HIGGINS
Look at her: a prisoner of the gutters,
Condemned by every syllable she utters,
By right she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.
ELIZA
Ah-ah-aw-aw-oo-oo!
HIGGINS
"Ah-ah-aw-aw-oo-oo" Heavens! what a sound!
HIGGINS
This is what the British population,
Calls an elementary education.
PICKERING
Come, sir; I think you picked a poor example.
HIGGINS
Did I...?
HIGGINS
Hear them down in Soho Square,
Dropping "h"s everywhere,
Speaking English anyway they like.
You sir: did you go to school?
A BYSTANDER
What d'ya tike me faw, a fool?
HIGGINS
Well, no one taught him "take" instead if "tike".
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse,
Hear a Cornishman converse;
They'd rather hear a choir singing flat.
Chickens, cackling in a barn;
Just like this one.
ELIZA
Garn!
HIGGINS
"Garn"-I ask you, sir: what sort of word is that?
HIGGINS
It's "ow" and "garn" that keep her in her place,
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction, by now, should be antique.
If you spoke as she does, sir, instead of the way you do,
Why you might be selling flowers too.
PICKERING
I beg your pardon.
HIGGINS
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him.
The moment he talks, he makes some other Englishman despise him.
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.
Oh why can't the English learn to-
Set a good example to people, who's English, is painful to your ears.
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears!
There are even places where English completely disappears,
Why, in America they haven't used it for years.
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks are taught their Greek.
In France every Frenchman knows his language from "A" to "Zed"-
But the French don't care what they do, actually, so long as they
pronounce it properly.
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning.
The Hebrews learn it backwards which is absolutely frightening.
Use proper English, you're regarded as a freak.
Oh why can't the English-
Why can't the English learn to speak? |
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